"'Tis better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly." -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
I remember thinking as a tween, anything passed 24 years of age was considered old.
Well, I'm pretty old then.
In high school or at job interviews, I was asked where I would see myself in 10 years. My answer was always, "Wherever my path takes me." But really, I didn't have the slightest clue. And that kind of scared me.
When I was younger, I could have pictured my life so easily. By 24 I had hoped to be married, children in the works, living in a house, and growing in my career. I think every 10 year old girl imagines that, right?
Fast forward to the present. Twenty-five years old, not married, no kids any time soon, not in my preferred career field, and for sure no interest in buying or committing to a house. Nothing to really show or brag about at this point in my life.
I was so happy and carefree then. Not really having any serious worries in the world.
Once I hit 23-24, depression all of a sudden crept up on me. I started to feel the pressure of society and wanted answers to all my questions now. Confusion and frustration started to build up deep inside. Did I know what I was doing? What were my short and long term goals after all? How will I succeed in life? Would I be financial stable? Would I be able to accomplish the things that I want? When will I be successful like some of my peers? How is success even measured? Will making more money really build a more fulfilling and happier lifestyle?
That's when it hit me. I was experiencing a quarter-life crisis. I was really starting to doubt myself.
I knew I was in the state of denial. I didn't want to face the fact that I was getting old....especially so fast! I hadn't accomplish more in the new year than the last. I was disappointed with myself and starting to feel discouraged. I even took down (or lied) about my date of birth wherever it was publicly displayed (i.e Facebook, public profiles, etc.) to avoid any reminders of my real age and how I had "nothing" to show for it.
I was feeling like everybody was doing better than me. Life started to feel like a race in which I was falling way behind. Friends were now working on their Masters, buying new houses, getting married, having cute little babies, becoming dentists/nurses/lawyers, driving luxury cars, and making good money.
One thing I wasn't doing- not paying or giving any attention to myself. I was so worked up and concentrating on others and the things that they had accomplished, that I was losing myself.
Lost, I thought that following bits and pieces of everybody else's path would help build a stable one for myself. It wasn't until last year I realized that there is no right or wrong way to live my life. There was no right answer and no clear path to success. There was more to life and more paths to take than what I was believed to see.
I had to be more optimistic, find my passion, and learn to build strong(er) relationships. This was the reality that I needed for my closure. And it worked.
I started traveling, doing more outdoor activities, getting more involved socially, started eating healthier, going to the gym 5 days a week, experiencing yoga (and loved it), changed my everyday routine around, became more productive, etc. I started to build a new lifestyle for myself and stopped letting my depression get to me.
Now I am in my new level of self-awareness and it feels great. I feel awakened.
Going through this bump in the road has really helped me. Without this experience, I don't think I would have realized how important it was to find myself first before anything else. The reality was that I was too quick to jump into something that wasn't meant for me and didn't promise any fulfilling results.
Going into debt for school to land that not-so-enjoyable job to make lots of money can make life somewhat easier, but it won't be enough to keep the soul happy. This is what I have learned and I'm running with it.
And I shall end it with a quote-
"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." - Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
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